How Do We Learn A Better Response?

Question MarkToday’s Question: Do sexual predators have specific deformities that require correction and training? What kind of preventative steps we can take to address our deformities?

Since everyone has deformities—not just the official sexual predators, you want to break this vicious cycle with some preventative steps—some training that builds on that instinctual base wiring.

talk openly1. First, be a little more open about the whole topic. One of the things that Christians have tried to do that is not working is to act like “if I am actually holy I will never have a predatory thought or reaction” which is impossible. It just is not going to happen. You are wired for that.

EquipEmpower2. Teach the young ladies how to go about being powerful young ladies that have a good effect on others so their desire to be a source of pleasure and a source of delight is going to be met appropriately.

If you don’t answer that question of how to become a powerful person in a way that really works, they are going to find other ways. Today’s culture is full of ways to make yourself feel powerful and delightful, including riding wrecking balls!

Teaching.png3. Provide alternatives. We need to have adults who delight in protecting others and teaching others the delight of protecting young women or young men, otherwise, Christians are not going to have anything that catches on.

The kind of training needed that will help you to see weaknesses, acknowledge weaknesses, be transparent about your own weaknesses and say,

Yeah, well anybody could have a predator thought here. But, how many know what to do to protect that weakness? What do you do to protect someone when you see their vulnerability, sexual or otherwise?

One answer in the Life Model is to develop the reflex of going to Jesus and asking to see the person the way Jesus seem them. Develop the reflex to say, “Here is a weakness, I feel like exploiting it. Lord, how do I see this person as one of Your daughters, one of my sisters, one of Your people that You want to have protected…how would I even do that?”

An interesting thing about the shalom that comes when you share minds with Jesus is when you see what Jesus is doing, it doesn’t give you some strange instruction to follow. You actually feel, “Wow, that would be good!” To see someone the way Jesus sees them changes your responses and it is something you ought then to share with others.

This is the kind of training you will receive at the Thrive Training events and in the Connexus Training (formerly called Thriving, Recover Your Life.– the training format for churches.)

Footprints_thumb.pngAction Steps:

  • Learn a better response – Purchase The Life Model, Share Immanuel and Joy Starts Here
  • Begin building a desire within leadership of your church to have a church sponsored Connexus group
  • Plan to attend a Thrive Event. Calendar of events. Click on Speaking Schedule

May your joy be full!

Chris & Carol

Chris Coursey, MA Theology — Author, Speaker and Thrive Trainer,

Twitter – @coursey_chris


Carol Brown, Author of The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity and Highly Sensitive                  

Resources Mentioned in This Post:

All resources can be purchased from the Life Model Works website. Click the books and Literature Tab.

Life Model

Share Immanuel

Joy Starts Here

Thrive Training


This post was developed from a talk by Dr. Jim Wilder for Pastor’s Weekly Oct. 31- 2013

2 thoughts on “How Do We Learn A Better Response?

  1. This is a great post – I am wondering about the statement ‘Teach the young ladies how to go about being powerful young ladies that have a good effect on others so their desire to be a source of pleasure and a source of delight is going to be met appropriately’

    I’m trying to understand how to teach young ladies to be ‘powerful’ in a way that keeps them safe from predators…. Couldn’t appreciation and encouragement be used/misinterpreted by a predator?

    I assume this is referring to way more than not using their bodies/sexuality to manipulate men/women…

    • Not sure why this response disappeared, but I will put it back in since it is such a good interchange.
      You raise a very important point, thank you for your question. Part of the solution is raising young women to be secure in their attachment style so they do not operate out of fear or pressures to use their power in a hurtful/deadly way toward themselves or other people. While men, especially men who sexualize their attachment/need for connection, may misinterpret cues such as joy and appreciation, the goal is to find safe, mature and life-giving ways to use personal power fairly and well. While we may not be able to control how men interpret cues, gestures and actions, the question is what ways can young ladies learn to use their personal power in a way that brings life and expresses the life God has given them? Personal power can be a lot of different things from how I use my words, my knowledge, my body, my eyes, etc.

      There are a good number of expressions to using power fairly and well but one of the things young women can do is learn the “acting like myself” skill we train which involves learning to be myself under a variety of emotions and circumstances. Having young women come up with creative ways to express their power in a way that is life-giving will make for a good discussion to start things off. Society and television can give us plenty of examples for “what NOT to do” but the question to dialogue is ‘who is it like us to be under these conditions and how do we best express the life God has given us.’ Thank you for your question, I hope this gives more food for thought! This is a good topic for both men and women to dig into.
      Blessings, Chris

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